Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
