I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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