girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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