My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
