I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
