I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
