you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
