just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
God I need to hump something, right now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
