you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
