you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
