Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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