I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just puked most of my soul out..
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