im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
