So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
