soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
