i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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