woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
