Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
