Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Soap is not a condiment
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
