I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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