Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
