You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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