What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
