hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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