just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
