ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
