I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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