LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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