Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
even my farts smell like vagina
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize