Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize