from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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