Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
smell my finger.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
