sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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