Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
