What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
