Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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