I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
