Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
