Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
