Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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