I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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