My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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