Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
