Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
