My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
