dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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