She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
