I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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