I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
