i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
