Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Someone came in the potted fern
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
