"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
