any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
