So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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