Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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