life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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