I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
