Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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