So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
