At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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