Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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