How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
