I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
