you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
