Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
