You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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