So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
