there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
